The Witch Father, the Man in Black, AKA Samael’s Evil Lawyer Mode

Samael is the scumbag prosecuting lawyer that finds all your faults and rigs the system to accuse you of all your flaws, make you drown in his accusations, and then finally claw your way back up to the righteous side of God.  In Jewish lore, he stands in the celestial courtroom on God’s Left Hand side, with Michael as the defending angel on God’s Right Hand, and they fight over your soul.  Needless to say, he is an argumentative asshole.

Samael’s Evil Lawyer Mode looks like a cross between Al Pacino from The Devil’s Advocate and a slender and taller Jack Nicholson in Witches of Eastwick.  An older black-and-silver haired gentlemen in crisp black suits with a red tie, impeccable Italian leather shoes, and faint wrinkles that bespeak wisdom found at the price of bloodshed.  He’s been donning it lately around me and talking about contracts, Hell’s politics and upcoming major changes on the earthly plane as the backlash against globalization manifests in the election of Orange Mussolini in the US, Brexit, and the rise of the alt-right.

Literally all spirits I know hate Drumpf – the angels (especially Michael), the demons (Asmodeus ranted about Trump to my friend and Samael was extremely triggered when he won and is still  more emo than normal and even appeared as the Grim Reaper to my other friend when the election results came in) – even Loki is all “You have to take care of people now more than ever, because shit is about to hit the fan.”  Idk what exactly is going on but from what the spirits tell me, these are the times that try men’s souls.

I call Samael’s Evil Lawyer Mode the Witch Father.  Some call him the Man in Black, Old Horny, Black Peter – take your pick, humans love coming up with names for the Devil of Traditional Witchcraft.  His hair kinda looks like Wolverine in that it is black and gray and curls like horns, and he just reeks of arcane magic and mystery and ancient power and binding contracts.  Like literally stinks of it as if he put on black hole-Axe body spray.

I joke but he terrifies me in that form, even more so than Satan, the Grim Reaper, and his frigging Dragon form, and Samael is the most dangerous spirit I know, and I know Beelzebub I-Eat-Sinners-For-Breakfast, Asmodeus I-Fucked-Up-King-Solomon-And-I’ll-Fuck-You-Up-Too, and Saint-Michael-My-Voice-Is-Thunder-I-Am-God’s-Wrath-Do-Not-Ruin-My-Garden.  Evil Lawyer Witch Father Samael is just… just scary.  Deep dark shadow magic, poison, rot.  Liminal – his mansion is full of doors to eldritch realms, and he makes sure I don’t end up in dimensions with my organs outside my skin.

Samael’s Witch Father mode probably has a face on his butt like those Hieronymus Bosch paintings.  I just know it.  Because he is, after all, a talking ass.  Evil Lawyer Samael is plotting something, and the other spirits are in on it.  What is going to happen, only time will tell…


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