My Teenage Dream Diary

 More crap from my old blog.  These are probably the stupidest dreams I have ever had. Please excuse the shitty writing and general idiocy, I was 18 lol.

Conversations from my dreams, typed up out of boredom.  I pretty much remember every dream I have, and Corpseboy trolls the majority of them.  In other words, Freud would have a field day psychoanalyzing me.

Samael and I are standing in line to get into the National Botanical Gardens.  He wants to go see the orchids exhibit.  Do not ask me why.  He’s dressed normal today, like a lawyer on break, with a short, respectable haircut and ever-perpetual smirk.  Dark business casual and a trendy five o’ clock shadow, he could pass for a snarky Calvin Klein model.  I, bored, watch as he floats around through the humans, amused by his reactions.  He gives me annoyed glances.  I pester him with questions.

Me:  “So are immortals usually invisible?”

Samael: “I can reveal myself to people if I choose, but mostly, I’m “invisible.”  (Grins mischievously)  “See- watch this.” (Slips into mortal form- people give him odd glances.  Slips back into invisible god-demon-angel thing, then cuts everyone in line)

Me:  “Damn, I wish I could do that.  I’d never have to pay for anything.”

Samael:  (Lurks behind crowd, smirking.) “Stop complaining.  Here.” (Makes me invisible.)

Me: “COOL.”  (Cuts past everyone)

Samael:  “It’s really not all that impressive-“

Me:  “I’m a dark evil overlord with unlimited power blah blah blah PLEASE.  We’re not all immortal and magical.   Some of us are poor college kids with no money.”

Samael:  (Rolls eyes) “Whining solves nothing.  Now let’s go see the flowers.”

(Drags me after him.   He stares for an inordinate amount of time at the purple orchids, caressing the petals gently.  He drinks in their beauty with hungry eyes.  I sniff a bunch and get allergies, then spend the rest of the time sneezing/looking like an idiot with pollen on my nose)


Another dream.  I’m walking through the woods with several friends.  It’s a happy, normal dream.  Suddenly, however, we turn a corner, and the summer sun disappears, replaced by dark storm clouds and a howling wind.  Everything turns dead cold, and my friends begin to panic. 

Me: “Oh crap.  I know where this is going.”

Others:  “Aah!  What’s happening?- oh my god!”  (Point in horror at dead body that appears in a fork in the road.)  “Somebody died!”

Me:  “Eff my life.  It’s just a corpse…”  (Trembling, I approach.  Dark laughter erupts in background.)  “THIS ISN’T FUNNY!”

(Without warning, the body explodes in a gory mess.  I get a mouthful of ichor, and organs spurt everywhere.  I’m like Carrie, utterly disgusted and drenched in blood.  My friends run away screaming.  )


Me: “That was gross, and YOU RUINED MY HAIR!”

(Samael appears from the shadowed woods, doubled over in laughter.)

Me: “Asshole.”

Samael: “At your service.” (Bows mockingly)


Yet another dream.  I’m chilling in Samael’s library, sunken into a plush red velvet chair, zoning out and watching the roaring hearthfire.  It is dark and smells of woodsmoke, with books that go on and on into oblivion.  New and old, ancient grimoires, books by angels, man, and immortal alike.   He’s stalking through the stacks.  I yawn obnoxiously loud, drifting off to sleep- something thwaks me on the head.

Me: “OW.”  (Picks up book Samael threw at me it, then looks up at him in confusion.)

Samael:  “You should read that.  I have business to attend to.  Behave yourself.  I’m locking you in here for your own sake.”

Me:  “Hey- wait a minute!  The Sacred Fire?  Huh.”

Samael:  “Read it.”  (Locks door behind him.)

Me:  “Jerk.”  (I mutter darkly, but give the book a try.  Flips to a random page.)  “Ooo, racy!  Nice taste, Samael.”  (It’s intriguing, and I lose myself in it.)

Upon waking the next morning:

Me:  “Damn.  What a good book.  If only it were real.”

(Does research on Aphrodite later for Greek and Romany Mythology class, then stumbles across this link)

The Sacred FireChapter II, A Night with Aphrodite

Me: “AAAAGH! WUT?  This book is real?  THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I READ IN MY DREAM.”  (Glances at title- The Sacred Fire.  Almost faints and dies.)

*Clicks link to main page*

Me:  “It’s about… sacred sexuality?  EWW.”  (Glued to the computer screen, I can do nothing but read.)

Later that night in my dreams

Me:  “Really, Sam?  Was that really necessary?”

Samael: (Laughs evilly) “MUAHAHAAAAA.”


Random other dream.  I’m at a Halloween party in the underworld, chilling with Samael.  I’m extremely drunk, probably off ambrosia or demon shit he’s pushed on me.

Me:  “You know, you’re pretty hot, even if you do creep me out.”

Samael: (Smirks evilly)  “Oh, you think so, do you?” (Turns into a rotting corpse, then speaks in Crypt Keeper-voice)  “KISS ME, WORM”

Me:  “EWW!!!”  (Tries to run drunkenly away, trips on high heels.  Samael snaps back into angel form, then collapses against the porch wall, roaring in laughter.)

Samael:  “That expression on your face-” (Chokes on wicked laughter) “It was- MUAHAHAA- priceless!”

Me: “WAAAH!”

Other demon lords: (look at me in annoyance) “Samael, would you quit bringing that thing here?  It never shuts up.”


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